I’m so exhausting to be around.
So exhausting, heavy like 600 hundred pounds. 

Everyone runs the other way.
When my looks lose their stay.
And I can’t​ judge them not a lick.
I’m the type of person I tend to 


A Rut. 

I hate that I think of you. 
Nothing but you in the long silences. 
Bludgeoning myself to death. 
Measuring myself worth by your touch. 
And I can’t even blame you, 

not at all. 
This is all my fault. 
Filling my mouth with Buddhist chants. 

Stuffing my head with silent meditations.

Trying to silence the madness. 

It’s not going anywhere,





Then the rolling crash. 
Wonder where you were last.
Why must I be so insecure. 
My sanity lost in a blur.
Everything is out of reach. 
And I’m in the middle, marooned on this island is me.
I can’t recognize anything,

I look so tired, I’m wasting. 
For the wholeness I’m craving. 

Not even self love can fill me 

So far out of love, deserted in my rut. 

A dying star

Maya once said,

Something simple but evident

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
The more you show it. 

The more I’m starting to listen. 

So stop asking why I’m so 

I’m full with the void that you 

created in your absence. 
I’m the last thing in your world.
And I’m fading. 


On times hand

Did I fall and land

An hour late

And still I wait
Ever so patient

And ever so quaint

You must have fallen sick

I defend in your wake
One day, two day

Four day, three

Oh how easy 

In love, to make a fool of me.


Just envelop my soul already!
What are you waiting for?

If you want to destroy me,

Then do it. 
I welcome your wrath 
I welcome you
Come inside
Consume all my innocence
Fill me with so much of you
That I’ll waste when your gone
Then never leave.


I get tired of always being so 



There is a whole world of darkness inside of me that I don’t even touch. 
That I resist even in my private

That I battle with every action and every choice I decide.
When I reach my wits end, it comes beckoning. 

And how tempted I am to let it in.

AHurting / 

I’ve approached things so unfairly with you. 

Now I aim to be gentler. 
While I still can be. 

To cherish you.
To be so soft for you to dream upon.

And when you close your eyes you won’t know the different between my lips and my breast.

All these pillowy places of which upon, you rest. 

Supporting you adamantly with compassion and tenderness.

To the casualties you’ve adapted so well. 

So easy to be harsh, and still tremble to be gentle. 
I remember you so light. 
So simple and determined. 
Don’t ask me where you go. 
You are here now, and yet another you. 
I love you both, so fiercely. 
Two parts that hold me so dearly. 
Innocence and experience. 
I’m wrapped up in your energy.
Beyond seduced. 
Enraptured. Beguiled. 
I know what to give, even though you ask for all else. 
Don’t hesitate, there is nothing I hold back of myself. 
I’m forthcoming. 
So come and drink of this inexhaustable fount of loving.
And never wonder if there is enough for all of your hurting.