He filled me with love,

Then silence,

Then love again.
I didn’t set it against him,

His coolness was not mine

Only warmth, all the time
He would withdraw

Deep and alone

His musings were not my own
Then suddenly just as he left

I’d find him beside me again

Either joyful or bereft
I would wait 

Where patience wins

And give all my love to him
Whenever he needed

Whenever deserved

Til had he his full, serviced
Only then would I stir

And only ever to get closer

Ode to Joy

I love Kristian. 
Yes, I do. 
I love Kristian,
Through and through. 
I love Kristian,
Through harsh respites
I love Kristian,
Through the best delights.
I love Kristian,
Though I save face
I love Kristian,
With honor and grace
I love Kristian,
Anyway, anyhow
I love Kristian
Yesterday, Tomorrow,  Now.
I love Kristian
Anyway he needs
I love Kristian
And he loves me.


In the haze

I envision burning my room 


Removing all evidence of my


From the substance of matter.
I try to struggle to find purpose,

to stay,

It all slips through my fingers,

Falling away.
Late at night I can’t tell you how

I failed,

How everything I try,

I try not so well.
I attempt to rewire all the faults 

in my brain,

Only to find all the replacements 

to be exactly the same,

I can hear the voices so clear,

“Give it time!”
The longer I spend the less I find,

The less of me, 

The more I unwind.
Im clutching to the ‘I love you’s’ I hear,

When the memories come back

at me fierce,

They pierce and they sear,

Hurting all I hold dear. 
It’s trying to break me down 

every day,

All the bricks I build up,

It tears them away.
I wonder if they can see I’m not okay,

I wonder if it’s what keeps them

at Bay.

I tell you I love you like it’s the 

last I may say.

But you hear it like it’s just another day. 


With a voice so eerie,

That the nubs of my nipples 


And ends of my hair stand on 


And the chill of nostalgia snakes

up my spine,

You’ll whisper in my ear like a 


That nightly spell,

In the witching hour.
“I love you.”

Sucking the air out the room. 

With a feeling that’s stills time.

Some passion is so strong. 

It’s surpasses, past, present, and


Creates its own eternity of 

It never leaves. 

And everyone that walked into it’s wormhole.

Is stricken. 

Like I was stricken. 
Your invasion is a deadly force I’m haunted by. 
Day and night. 

The Nature of your Love

There is no description for your love blanketing around me. 

Except that it has melted the winter of my life. 

All the cruelty has been kissed to kindness. 

And I can’t remember anything but compassion. 
Anything but wanting to love you as fair as you love me.
Your love is like healing. 

Your love is like hoping.

Your love is living life anew.