Undertones

In the haze

I envision burning my room 

away,

Removing all evidence of my

existence,

From the substance of matter.
I try to struggle to find purpose,

to stay,

It all slips through my fingers,

Falling away.
Late at night I can’t tell you how

I failed,

How everything I try,

I try not so well.
I attempt to rewire all the faults 

in my brain,

Only to find all the replacements 

to be exactly the same,

I can hear the voices so clear,

“Give it time!”
The longer I spend the less I find,

The less of me, 

The more I unwind.
Im clutching to the ‘I love you’s’ I hear,

When the memories come back

at me fierce,

They pierce and they sear,

Hurting all I hold dear. 
It’s trying to break me down 

every day,

All the bricks I build up,

It tears them away.
I wonder if they can see I’m not okay,

I wonder if it’s what keeps them

at Bay.

I tell you I love you like it’s the 

last I may say.

But you hear it like it’s just another day. 

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