Unspoken Malady

When did it become so hard to just be alone? 


,That you Love Me

I’m afraid you are just telling me everything I want to hear. 
I hope you know that isn’t what I want to hear. 

Ode to Joy

I love Kristian. 
Yes, I do. 
I love Kristian,
Through and through. 
I love Kristian,
Through harsh respites
I love Kristian,
Through the best delights.
I love Kristian,
Though I save face
I love Kristian,
With honor and grace
I love Kristian,
Anyway, anyhow
I love Kristian
Yesterday, Tomorrow,  Now.
I love Kristian
Anyway he needs
I love Kristian
And he loves me.


In the haze

I envision burning my room 


Removing all evidence of my


From the substance of matter.
I try to struggle to find purpose,

to stay,

It all slips through my fingers,

Falling away.
Late at night I can’t tell you how

I failed,

How everything I try,

I try not so well.
I attempt to rewire all the faults 

in my brain,

Only to find all the replacements 

to be exactly the same,

I can hear the voices so clear,

“Give it time!”
The longer I spend the less I find,

The less of me, 

The more I unwind.
Im clutching to the ‘I love you’s’ I hear,

When the memories come back

at me fierce,

They pierce and they sear,

Hurting all I hold dear. 
It’s trying to break me down 

every day,

All the bricks I build up,

It tears them away.
I wonder if they can see I’m not okay,

I wonder if it’s what keeps them

at Bay.

I tell you I love you like it’s the 

last I may say.

But you hear it like it’s just another day. 


With a voice so eerie,

That the nubs of my nipples 


And ends of my hair stand on 


And the chill of nostalgia snakes

up my spine,

You’ll whisper in my ear like a 


That nightly spell,

In the witching hour.
“I love you.”

Sucking the air out the room. 

With a feeling that’s stills time.

Some passion is so strong. 

It’s surpasses, past, present, and


Creates its own eternity of 

It never leaves. 

And everyone that walked into it’s wormhole.

Is stricken. 

Like I was stricken. 
Your invasion is a deadly force I’m haunted by. 
Day and night. 

The Nature of your Love

There is no description for your love blanketing around me. 

Except that it has melted the winter of my life. 

All the cruelty has been kissed to kindness. 

And I can’t remember anything but compassion. 
Anything but wanting to love you as fair as you love me.
Your love is like healing. 

Your love is like hoping.

Your love is living life anew. 


I want to turn all the time I spent on feeling lonely into feeling empowered and accomplished. 
I want to rediscover and create myself. 
There is whole world inside of me that I’ve yet to discover. 
And I don’t why I’ve spent so much time putting it off. 

But now every moment I’m not spending being happy, I want to at least try to transform into happiness, any way I can. 
I don’t always know how to be with myself. 
But I want to learn. 

Good God

God is in the gentle curve of your smile,

In the loosening of your shoulders,

The sigh and sag of your body.
Divinity is in your tenderness. 
Your face caressing my face, the way silk sheets run off hot soft skin. 

In the crack of your voice when it hums into a groan. 

A pantheon is made of the rising and falling timbres of your laughter. 

You are an engulfing wonder. 

Swallowing all in your midst, without the slightest hint to fathom. 

And so gracefully,

Surely obliviously. 

Your eyes could sway death to retire. 

You’ve crucified and resurrected me relentlessly with the slightest glance. 

You haven’t the faintest.

And you wouldn’t want to if you could. 
It all means nothing to you. 
To do things so magnificently, as you do. 
-I suppose​ for a God, to note such things would to be linger on the mediocre. 

Greatness is so ordinary to you.