Cigarettes


Face hidden,

Behind smoke,

You don’t need to ,

Touch my neck,

But you,

make me choke.
Ensnared me,

Before you spoke,

Those eyes,

That were laughing

Like a humorless joke.
The dark of the world,

Personified,

Quite crystalized,

Within your eyes.
And when you’re angry,

Your glare,

Fucks me right.
So harsh,

But gentle too,

A little conscious,

But carelessly cruel,

Your mannerisms,

Say danger,

But your touch,

Says welcome.
You are,

In a hushed background,

Overlooked and stunning,

Eyes cast down,

Immersed,

All backstage,

Fingering turn tables,

and guitar,

Tongue in toothpick,

Cigarette in hand,

Love like a woman,

But fuck like a man.
You deal with things better,

From far away,

Where your head,

And heart,

Can catch up to the race.
Take a breath,

And set your own pace,

They can blame you,

But I’d have something to say.
They can’t understand,

But want to know your game,

Too bad they don’t know,

For you,

None of it is play.
You just wish,

You could get back,

To normal someday,

But like everything,

It’s falling away.
With me,

You can be,

I go with flow,

We never have to speak,

I never have to know.
The way you ride the beat,

The whole to your empty,

The need to your complete,

If you need to give it up,

Put it all on me.
If you got to take,

I have more than anything,

I give as good as I get,

Head for head,

Chest for chest.
You’ve seen it all,

But now you can feel the best.
Inhale me deep,

To soothe your stress,

Light me up,

And carry me around,

Like your pack of cigarettes.
-The crease in your brows as you take a drag in. Is my favorite place to waste my time in.

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King Apathy


Just my voice,

And the naked air,

All bare,

And nothing there.

Dripping wet,

The notes I share,

On an atmosphere,

That just doesn’t care.

Singing like the angry

choir of heaven on a

stormy day. 

All thunder and rage,

But you don’t hear a

thing,

You even pretend,

Not to feel the rain,

Washing us away.

Intimacies


The shifting comfort of fabrics

A thick sweetness  

Like the silkiness of the womb

And the trembling whispers 

Of flesh and breath 

Caressing in sensations 

That are reminiscent of twin 

lovers in embrace 

In mutual efforts for one 

purpose 
An inhale transforming into 

the suggestion of profound 

approval
An exhale implying the tender

grasping of unexplainable 

submission
What can be found here?

When there is no subject to 

look for.

What can be revealed?

What is there but the 

unveiling 

of infinitum in its many 

indefinite forms?
Oh but I do know the feel of you

Just as much as I know the 

feeling of God’s whisper 

In my ear
You are just as wondrous

And just as fleeting.
Yes, you are by this definition 

Blasphemous.
By any other definition astounding.

Only God can know the awe I hold in my heart for you.

Only God is great enough.
It seems even from you, that 

all intellect escapes of it.
But God and I…

We hear the ringing of the 

bells 

The birds singing a star song

A galaxy chiming nuances of

indeficiency
Something so impossible 

All breath stops

All silence unfurls

And all sound is stunned

And in between 

Within instance

There is you

At the end utterance of my 

name 

As inconceivable as 

explainable 

I find myself, unselfed.

And lost in the consciousness 

that surpasses my own

And God smiles knowingly,

And though ever benign, quite sadly.

Because I’ve tasted the fruit

Of knowledge 

And now I can never return to

Eden.

Between the very expanse

Of this instance 

And what can be understood as

the next

All tears are expelled from me

And I am inconsolable 

In both happiness and despair.
Its voice is both silence and deafening volume

“There can be no man before 

ME.”

And I understand 

And I crumble, too human to 

resist. 
-Because when God spoke it, it was so.

Pretty


The less you know 

the prettier I am. 
With every secret 

You uncovered,

You slowly started 

To long for another,

Tell me , my dear 

Whatever happened 

To wanting to know each 

other? 
The more thick scars 

Covering my skin,

The more you realized 

It would be harder to get in.
Pretty girls 

Are a dime a dozen,

And now you figure 

You’ll go out and get you 

one of them,

And all those pretty promises 

Turned out to mean nothing,

But you were so sure

That you could show me 

something!
How does it feel 

To become the very thing,

that you were so sure you 

weren’t?

You can fight the flow

But you can’t escape the 

current,

I would know 

Though you were so sure I 

couldn’t.

Thought you’d lighten my load,

but added more to the burden.

Her body may be softer

But it won’t relieve the 

Hurting.
Thought you knew disaster,

But till me,

You were only flirting.
Now pretty storms,

Don’t quite hold the same 

Allure,

Since

finding the wreckage of me,

Its tainted the paradise 

of her.

Completion


The heat of your chest

The slickness of your nipples between my lips

And your hot aroma

Steaming off of you

Like fresh baked goods

And your breath slipping in sync with mine

Energy aligning with energy 

Positive neuron to positive neuron

I know you choose me for this

For me to be here like this

My lips inhaling your flesh like my next breath

Suckling the vibration out of your chest like vital nourishment 

And you under me

Sweet tasting and sweet sighing my name 

With just a hint of wicked desire hidden in the shadow of your droopy lashes 

Red never looked better on anyone than it does on the cast of your beige skin

My kisses leaving bruises of possession behind on your breast

And your gravely voice like the mewling of a panther ready to rut

Our song is the caterwauling of night creeping in with the cool breeze and moonlight from the window

Our secrets are the ones hidden like my lip marks under your shirt 

And my scent of my sex under your cologne 

Natural and subtle 

So little suspected but not beyond reproach either

They are so like your finger lost in the black roots of my hair at 2:49 in the morning

We both know they’re there but we can see them behind the fog of desire trapped in our eyes

And nothing sounds better then the turtling of your skin against mine as you settle into me to get comfortable 

Like leaves settling into the wind in the fall chill ready to be cast far away together

I know the journey is long 

And I have been waiting for you forever

And I know we choose each other

To meet in this life

To suffer 

To be blissful

And I can’t fathom why

But truth is beyond fathoming 

And there is truth in our coupling 

An honesty in our merged being

Truth is knowing

And I have known you in all the ways there are to know another being

And I still seek to discover you 

The rest of all the truths there have yet been to teach me 

An eternity of them if you’ll allow

And I sorely hope you will

Hope with all my being, that subconsciously always leans yearningly towards yours.

-Though I am whole, I seek your completion. 

Will You? Won’t You?


I can see into your soul 

The words that you’ve craved

The love that you’ve needed

The comfort you’ve pined for

The reassurance you’ve sought

And I’m generous 

I’ll tell you what you want to hear

Give you what you think you need

Just to show you that what you have been seeking 

Isn’t as it appears 

Fantasies so far from what reaches of reality

And I’m so gracious 

I’ll give, asking nothing in return 

Disappearing as soon as I have appeared

Dissipating along with your dissillusionment

A phantom

A whisp of energy

Observing 

Knowing

And yes I hear you sigh my name in the dark with the same uncertainty one bares when waking from a dream wondering if it even was a dream or another imagining

Caught in the darkness where all things fade before we can grasp them

And yes the same sigh that came into your heart when I first appeared

The insufferable sigh of relief where there can be no relief, just exhaustion

It pains me to see you so unaware

So unmoved

Lost in the same maze spinning in circles

Your whole world filled with the ever elusive, with only me to witness it

There are worlds filled with souls like yours

And only miniscule higher dimensions for those like me 

How I hallow inside at the waste 

For time stretches on forever and you like many others will die and come to be like this again 

And only I will exist to witness it amongst all of you who are so eager to forget.

Even though it does nothing to sooth the ache inside of you.

Will you not awaken?

Will you not remember?

Will you not?

Hinderance


I don’t want your acceptance.

I want your submission.
I want you to respect me for once because you feel I’ve earned it. 

No logistics about it. 

I want it to be personal. 

I want it to be willing.

I want this to be something other than advantageous for you.

But…

I know that’s out of the question and not in your nature.

That’s why I don’t talk to you because I want all the things you can’t give me.

All the things only I can give myself. 

I’m the only one that lives up to my own expectations and morality. 

I’m the only person worth knowing and interacting with.

Stop being so theatrical and acting hurt.

Tomorrow you’ll sleep it off.

While the next two months I’ll be contemplating what made me so unworthy, even though I know the answer.

Or so unlucky…

Even though I know I wasn’t the cause.

You are the toxin in my sweet fruitful air. 

Don’t you get tired of being a stubborn weed that I have to rip from the roots every seven days?

Why do you come back when you know you aren’t wanted?

Why do you torment me so?

Why do you do this to yourself?

Asking me to change, like you aren’t the one you’d like to bury. 

Energy


I can’t confess my feelings.

I can’t be honest.

I can’t inhale.

I can’t release.

Nor get the proper space to breath. 

Everyone is so caught in themselves, even when the moment is just about you. 

They find a way to make it their Ego’s problem. 

This isn’t even personal anymore. 

It’s just gluttony.

An overdose of nothing. 

I can’t contain myself.

Nor free myself. 

Oh how sweet it would be to be another energy.

To be no energy.

To be immersed in another energy field. 

To have no energy field.

These spiritual beings speak of learning lessons. 

But I’m in the same karmatic vortex and I’m have been vividly aware of it for years now.

This energy vortex.

This genetic insanity called family has filled me with enmity.

Filled me with a toxicity

That has made me deathly sick of being me. 

Of being this energy.

They don’t tell you how these energies are insatiable.

Take the energy from you. 

They don’t tell you about these energies that will stifle the flow of your energy, until you have nothing and no longer have energy left to exist to be.

They don’t tell you about how they have the energetic resilience and relentlessness.

How soon when you are only a husk of what magnificence you use to be, you’ll wish for them to take what’s left, just to be relieved of the torment. 

They don’t speak of energy like that.

How our every motion is derived from energy and how energy determines us. 

They don’t tell you of these energies.

How we beings are these energies.

They don’t tell us how to control these energies. 

They don’t teach us.

They don’t want us to know.

Perception


Why does it bother you so much when I stand up for myself?

Then berate me when I let things go?

Why is everything I do so unsatisfactory? 

I can’t even see you as a person anymore. 

Just roadblock I’m trying to avoid. 

Who is perfect here?

I don’t aim to be. 

I sure don’t aim to please you anymore. 

You say I’m mean now…

What changed?

Nothing about me is different.

This is all beginning to feel, more and more, like a you problem.

One that you don’t want fixed. 

Be like water


You are made of water

If you hold yourself back like a dam

Soon all the pressure will break free 

And destroy all you have built in its path

But if you flow 

Like a stream

Into a river of being

Joining a body of galactic ocean

Then you will be apart of an easy, inexhaustible, ever shifting energy,

A living mass of spirit, forming in harmony to a united purpose.

The water of music..

The vitality harmonizing!