I Take My Leave

I know what it’s like to seek kindness.
Kindness from strangers,
Because the things that are familiar,

Aren’t kind 
I  know what it’s like to float away on a dream. 

To wake in the morning,

In the same nightmare.
I know what it’s like to know nothing. 
To do anything and everything, like grasping for a rope you can’t see. 

Trying to pull yourself up out of the darkness.

Faith may be blind but the defeat of doubt leaves you with no sense at all.

I know what it’s like to walk the world thirsty. 

Where each smile and warm compliment is like a moments reprieve from the  constant torment of loneliness. 

I know what it’s like to be empty.

To suddenly awaken to realize all that made you whole is gone. 

Wiped clean from your memories. 

And you look around to see the plentiful wasteland of emptiness. 

With the sun in the distance, a promise of hope if you just persist.

I know that hope and doubt are twins that are often loved the same. 

I don’t want to hope for doubt anymore. 

That kind of love is a tug-o-war of despair. 

I don’t want to believe. 

I want to forgive and forget, and count my loses. 

I don’t want to belong. 

I abandon my longing and my desires. 

I have my peace in solitude. 

In absence.