How do I measure my shortcomings or joy?
When each overwhelm me, so completely .
As the cocoon overwhelms the caterpillar and so suddenly, it is a butterfly. Too different to recognize on the outside. I do not know these appearances. I rage against these sensations that would seize me of my reason. I am spinning out, away like a web in a wind. Who said one must not bitter? I try, yet I am bitter as I am joyous. I stagnant to the stillness, as if in this moment the presence will speak to me. Mayhaps it will console me of my spiraling ways. Don’t ask me who I am. Judge upon me not. I don’t not know as you do not know. You beat, red in the face because you want to understand. Well, I do too! I do too. I am just as frustrated as you. Why do you want all of my little successes? They keep me afloat. If you take them, I’ll sink with all these holes in my boat. They mean nothing to you. As I mean nothing to you, as you don’t understand. Let me tell you as I tell myself. I am unraveling. What is revealed, is in its own will detailed. I don’t seek to cheat you. What can you miss? If I am spilling over. Soon Ill be gone, and what were we so captivated over? The meer thoughts of me, such things come and go, as I do. I’ll be gone, along with your ideas. It torments us all, to not know if we are right. Mystery. That, if. It will heal or kill you. Curiosity, it has the vaguest taste, like water, not quite so, but absolutely necessary. Still I don’t know, so I take my peace, and I sip the water slow. Better safe than sorry. Better sure than rash. For once it is certain, there is no going back. I want to be right here. Where the water is clear. Everywhere else is opaque. It riles to know the way. So I ask the question, then sit and wait.
© Zianna Libardo Valexia Valtero, 2016