illusionary


I swoon under the perilous weight of existence

is my body so many bodies of doom

Why do I hope

Why do I dream

such exquisite torture of unattainable things

 I love my thoughts

more than I love my being

In my dreams, I find such lovely meanings

in reality, meaning means nothing being

what is ugliness to beauty

laziness to duty

all the monstrosity

am I better inside

in my child’s heart

a garden of endless and alive

am I my heart

am I my mind

I could love

I wonder why I have never sincerely tried

companionship seems so aloof

we can agree on things

but never really reach the whole truth

I have never really let anyone see the beast inside

this endless hunger

that will eat any thing in sight

no one ever asked

I ask myself

as they walk straight pass

how will you ever know

if you never tell a soul

I would if there was a spirit to tell

in emptiness I have come to know the stillness well

I guess you will die alone

you are only as lonely as the people you have known

have I ever really known anyone

I don’t think they have ever really known me

I reach inside

for something beyond what I can be

I wish I could tear myself apart

create another person that shares my own heart

someone that knows I am alive

with the same amount of caring

and the same amount of drive

a me

so much better than me

a divinity

surpassing my limits of humanity

I hold myself back

 I tie myself down

I study myself when no one is around

why don’t I feel like this body I am in

why do I feel like my skin is not skin

why do I feel like a stranger to myself

I am not quite sure I am anything in the least

I just observe the life that is surrounding

feel the sun rising in the east

and just as naturally

I exist to be

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