The disillusionment of a Motherless Child

There was a time when I thought my mother didn’t love me

A time I thought I couldn’t ever love her

I was wrong

I thought I knew enough to get me by

I had read so much

Seen so much

Learned so much

But I forgot a true teacher is a student that never stops learning

I thought I knew my mother

I thought I knew myself

But I was too bitter to realize

That my resentment was blocking my views

My heavy heart

Only seen and accepted heavy woe

I was wrong

Dearly wrong

I didn’t know any thing about love

I didn’t know that every love is different

They don’t tell you that in the fairytales

That every love is its own

I seen my mother with my brother and sister

She didn’t hold me

Hug me

Kiss me

Look at me

Like them

She gave them something different

That she didn’t give me

She gave them affection

And me education

Foolish as I was

I thought one more precious than the other

What we dont have

That others do

Always looks sweeter

She said once

“You never needed me when you were little

You did everything on your own

You were always helping

You would ask me to change Melanie’s diapers

They needed me more”

How could I ask for help?

It was always so hard for us

And it was never fair

I just wanted to make it fair

We were always struggling

There was never any rest

Or time to catch our breath

I didn’t want to be more trouble

I was such an anxious child you told me

“When ever we went somewhere you always wanted to go home

No matter what we did

Or where we went

You always wanted to go home

You would tell me

Mom, I want to go home now

When are we going home, Im tired”

I just didn’t want to get in trouble

And something was always upsetting you

Though no where ever quite felt like home

At least where we lived there were doors

To shut things out

To give at least a false sense of safety

I didn’t know that every love is different

I didn’t know that not every love is equal

Or that it shouldn’t be expected to be equal

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