The Endless Question

I don’t want to go through this again. Doing things over and over with ends that never end. Is peace a illusion we create to torture ourselves? Is peace accepting everything? I am afraid to have faith because I might be wrong. If reality is just perception then we are all right and wrong. Is there one truth that is communicated through many truths? If I keep faith and this faith is wrong, will this faith lead me to the true faith? Will the wrong truth be a waste of time? Does it all count to get to what is true? What sustains us? If what we consider worthy is up to us then how does that all come into together in truth? I feel I know and I don’t know. I don’t mind what I know but should what I don’t know concern me? Is asking myself all these questions really constructive to my well being? Is asking myself all these questions just making things worse by dwelling for answers. Do answers really matter in the end. After all we don’t get the answers until after we reach the destination. So is worrying really constructive? Is all my thinking, observing, and analyzing getting me no where? Why should I care? Is my mind my worst enemy? Should I not think and just feel? Instincts are never wrong right? It is easier to feel. Yet, feelings are unpredictable and not at all like logic. Do I fear the unknown? If I do, I don’t like to. I don’t like fearing anything. It feels wrong and ignorant. Are we all ignorant slightly even if we don’t want to be? Perhaps by having faith we put belief into the parts of us that know no matter what. Should I trust myself? All I hear is I can’t be trusted. I want to put trust and faith in something. I am so tired of having nothing to turn to. No where to go and nothing to love. If I can’t trust anything else can’t I at least trust myself? I AM TIRED HEARING OTHER PEOPLE TRYING TO THINK FOR ME. I want to be me and then not be anymore. I want to live while I can and let it go. I am tired of this heavy load. It is overwhelming. I am tired of being overwhelmed. I want to love and trust myself. Have faith mistaken or not. Does it really matter in the end? It all just keeps going  on without me anyway. Might as well live as I please. I am lost as always. I feel small. A child.

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