You Are A Wonderful World

I want to know you
take off all your clothes
caress all the hairs on your body
kiss all the textures of your skin
put my ear against the left side of your chest
listen to all your little secrets
pound wildly inside your heart
look into your eyes
and quietly accept all your mysterious depths
the way the earth accepts
the suns burning yearnful kisses
without a word
or second guessing a thing
I want to gather together every hair on your head
smooth every wild curl
massage and stroke every root
watch you fall asleep
with your head in my lap
like a faithful and trusting innocent child
with it’s whole heart open to the miracles of the world
I wants us both to be curious greedy children
with the whole of forever before us
and all of possibly greeting our wide eyes
that fill so carelessly with wonder and gratituide
I want for all the misery and sorrow that has corrupted our hearts with fear
to be lifted and thrown away
like swept up veil
so we can appeciate the essence of the world and each other
with unbiased love
and gasp
and sigh
and sing
And I want to close my eyes while I lay safely in your arms
and think, “The world is a beautiful place and I am no longer afraid to die.”
alone and unknown
because we are the same
I want to make peace with you
and God
and myself
right here
right now


Bliss in Madness

Loving you
kissing you
needing you
feeling you
some day
tumbling in
and down
dark portal
there is
no here
there is
no now
and turning
Alice didn’t
exactly what
 the caterpillar said
until she infact
went mad
becuase you can’t
the world
you see
unless you are
infact crazy
so come
come with me
of madness
come stay
taste of craziness

Control Life

They ask me why am I doing this.
I say it is fun.
 I grew up on misery and the point of the a loaded gun.
They say I don’t have to do it.
 It takes choices for things to change.
 I say fuck it.
 I was born different and deranged.
 In the end.
 The climax is doom.
 Everyone knows beautiful people finish with a boom.
 They whispered that her demise was the touch of skin.
 I think to live without knowing is both a pity and a sin.
 Everyone knows, until they know not.
 And how can they begin to love me?
 All I ever loved, I lost.
 I say look all you want, but never step into the store.
 The minute that you buy, you will be left wanting more.
 No one wants to give, if they don’t get.
 And everyone knows to swear on loyality, is a dying bet.
 so walk away.
 so walk away.
 If they are pretty, run.
 Don’t doubt it for one second, they will finish you before you’ve begun.
 Because their only necessity is themselves.
 It is the motto “Take what you want and fuck everybody else.”
I was raised on cold blood.
 You lie straight faced and kill for the sake of good.
 Take what you want and leave no surviours.
 Most of all, if your are going to crash, make sure you are the driver.
No, I am not afraid to die.
This kind of living, is a lie.
You can pull the trigger, if you call this life.
No, if this is breathing, I was never alive.

The Reckoning

your words mean nothing
you have left me cold
and shuttering
you say so much
so fast
it’s not enough
your words
don’t last
and I’m tired
and I’m losing it
I’ve tried to
but I can’t forget
your broken promises
your broken heart is
too damaged
too use to pain
you try to stop it
but it keeps happening
and you project your fears onto me
because I love you
because I am the only one who can see
I am wrong in your eyes
what I see
to you is just lies
I won’t forget your stark look
you were so afraid
I won’t forget how you deliberately cut me open
and left when you could have stayed
I try not to take it personal
I try to forget
but the bleeding is monumental
and I am starting to regret
I don’t like the feeling of guilt
you are leaving
and I swear you never felt
I can’t blame anyone but myself
I shouldn’t of sacrificed who I am for anyone else
and now I have to deal with the consequences
all the hurdles and jumping fences
and I don’t care if you hate me
I already hated myself
so go take your precious bullshit
and give it someone else
I don’t regret a thing
I don’t look back for anything
I know this is my life
and now is the reckoning


Sometimes I still think death would be better.
So eager to move on to the next chapter.
And I pause and think I haven’t grown or changed at all.
But then I think of how I can find beauty anywhere now.
 And all the kind the things that people tell that they never did.
 All the experiences.
The Essence of things.
How lost people are.
 How lost I am.
And I know I have blossomed.
Every spring is different and never what it seems or how we want to
percieve it.
But at the end of the day spring is always beautiful.
And when the winters of my life come and I sleep or die.
At the end of each season I know it is all for a reason.
Most importantly I found out in all my experiences everything happens
for a reason.
There is no validation for it.
Or purpose but it happens.
 Who I am to say whether it is wrong or right?
 I am just the spectator, experiencing it all.
 Just part of the art work.
And the artist..well we are part of it’s world.
We are in it’s domain.
All I can do is be as beautiful as possible.
Flourish and blossom.
Do my part in this art making.
The rest is illusion.
 Merrily, merrilly, this is all a dream.
 After all Life and death are the same things, right?
I have died plenty of times already.
I think there will just be a time I won’t come back at all.
 And I am okay with that.

Inner Temple

I curl safely into myself.
Where love is not a cage.
A stage.
Or A haunted place.
 I curl into myself because it is my haven safe.
 Where the world is open and no one has a motive.
 Where everything is art, beauty, and loving.
 I lay on my chest and listen to my heart beat from frantic to slow drumming.
 This silent humming like a mockingbirds wings.
I tear my chest wide open and sing.
 All the horror and fears and wonders and cares.
All the beauty and the pain, all the happy and insane.
 All the places that I know and all dreams I travel in hopes to go.
 These songs fill the room.
Voices raising louder and louder into a swoon of extacy.
A chorus of so many different voices raising up out of me.
All they love, all they desire coming free.
I heard them shouting their wants and fears.
All of who they are, they wanted in here.
 Constantly, they wanted to live on in me.
 They wanted to live through me.
They wanted liberation through my dreams.
 Now I let them go, they can be free.
 And I can be me.
I can be me.
 I look down at my chest.
 To the last voice left.
Shivering and urgent.
Beautiful and quite.
Peaceful and weeping.
It is free.
 It is free.
Like little bells peeling.
 Oh, to be.
oh, to be.
All the joy.
 All the joy.
I am me.
 I am me.
 The last song is eternal
. A Dream came to be.


I think about the tiredless beat in my heart.
Musical and resilient.
  I think about the silence.
 The stillness.
 The quiet.
 I think about life and it’s counterpart death.
 I take a deep deep breath and release.
 Then I don’t think.
 I won’t think.
 I feel and feel and feel.
 I transend and feel.
Beyond the entrapment of thoughts.
 Beyond this carnal reality.
Beyond ego and pride.
Beyond humanity.
Beyond the mysterious beyond.
Beyond infinity.
 To the here and now.
 All perception of here and now rise.
 Reaching up like caresses to kiss me.
 Touch me.
Dancing with me.
I feel.
If I can feel.
 I will feel.
 Through in.
Through out.
 All in.
All about.
Release and retrieve.
 In entirety.
On serendipity.

I’m Over

I am sitting down
I am waking up
I hear the sounds
So listen up
I’ve waited
made excuses
I have shaded,
all your uses
but what is the point?
you don’t love me, enough
I am sorry, I was so out of touch
for so long
 I was holding out
in case, you changed your mind
or at least tell me how
you were so oblivious
for so long
you were just leading me on
using me
just so you could be happy
and I was so dumb
to let you have your fun
to put myself last
without a second glance
I thought, if you just saw me
If I just showed you
but I shouldn’t have to
if your eyes were on me
then you would just see
but you always looked away
and I let you think that it was okay
well, I am sitting down
I am waking up
I finally here the sounds
so listen up
I’m over
you getting over
on me
I feel the ground
beneath my feet
I feel and see everything
I was always here
it was always clear
you never loved me
oh, I always known
I was so alone
now I will let you go
it’s time to walk on my own
I rather be by myself
then to see the pity,
 in what your eyes held
I’m not sorry
you never had me
I’m sitting down
I’m waking up
I hear the sounds
as I fill my cup
I’m over me
I can finally see
the truth


once upon a time
I wished to death
 wanted and wanted
yearned to my last breath
for something valid
inside the nothing
I wanted to have it
I shouldn’t have
Should of just let it go
should of been satisfied
with just being alone
what right do I have
what do I have?
will it last?
nothing last
let it go
let it go

In You

In you I hear the Essence sing
In you I see childish things
in you I laugh
in you I play
in your smile
in every way
you take my skin
with gentle caress’s
you take my love
with all it’s messes
I stare into your distant eyes
in them I see the endless skies
I see the stars from which we were made
I see the homes in which we are laid
your lips leave inscriptions on my flesh
I read each message
between every breath
everyday there is something new to see
something there to be discovered by me
every moment something new to say
something that can’t just be given away
you are a fountain of reflections
everything I see in you
can be seen from introspection
what a lovely thing
what a lovely place
what a lovely song
wrapped in loving lace
you bind me up
and kindle my heart
your flame
and my flame
imprinted in one part