Sincerely Mine

I wish I was braver

and I wish I was stronger

I use to think depression was my most loyal friend

and I am hoping I couldn’t be wronger

But if I am

oh if I am

I don’t want to think like this

but sometimes I just can’t resist.

I wish I was just down

but baby I am the dumps

they dump it on me like they give a fuck

they leave me with all these bloody clumps

then they look at me like I am down on my luck

and I wish I could blame it all on them

but I have to deal with myself

cause if I can’t love me, neither will anyone else

and I just want to feel pretty

and I want to that feeling to be sincere and last

I am alone in this miserable city

and I am so tired of myself and I want a rest

and why can’t I be beautiful in my skin

My head is always so sick

and I am wondering how this melancholy got in

I am not interesting enough for anyone to stay

I reach for their hands

only for them to slap mine away

I feel so invisible, I wonder if anyone remembers my face

I feel so bothersome, like my life is just a waste

I never do anything

I am so lazy it is pathetic

They tell me they hate me

and they never regret it

I am gonna sign up for the army

and never come back

straight into the bomb squad

and to somewhere like Iraq

and if I am lucky they will blow me to nothing

And it will be how I feel and that poetry will be something

I know this is just shit

But it feels good just to say it

I am not brave enough to kill myself

But it is a relief to confess it to someone else

that I am not happy

and I hate to drink

all these people are laughing

and I wish I could be

But these smiles don’t come sincere anymore

and if God asked me

I’d walk straight out the door

But if I am going to live

I am going to be better

I’ll learn how to forgive

and I’ll get it together

I ignore all these people who make me feel like shit

I’ll get a job and work hard at it

I’ll tell my mother I love her

and tell my relatives they’re the best

I’ll make this more positive

and give my misery a rest

Cause this is no way to live a life

I complain about my problems

but never bother to live right

I really mean it this time

next time I smile

that smile will be sincerely mine

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