Self-Abhorrence and Suicide Notes

I can hear the judgment, and I don’t want to hear a word.

I am torn down by my lacking, and every negative comment I’ve ever heard.

It’s repeats it’s self, over and over again.

Will I ever be enough, and will this torment ever end.

Maybe I should finish it, maybe I should write myself out.

Take care of the mistakes, end it all, and even it out.

I did this, I do this to myself.

I have no one else to blame.

And still I am begging for help.

Will any one. Anyone!

Hear my pleas.

Hear these hidden thought, and come rescue me.

Cause I hate who I am, and I tear myself down.

You should hear the things I think, when no else is around.

Every comment, jumps back in my head.

If I am so ugly, maybe I am better off dead.

I am trying to pull it together, fix the broken seams.

Fix all the damage, that has made a wreck of me.

I have become the panic, and the constant anxiety.

Can you see whats happened, what I’ve come to be.

I can’t look in the mirror, I can’t look at myself.

I’ve tried to change, to become anyone else.

And I always end up here.

At the place where I began.

I can’t heal this sickness, And I fear it will never end.

Surely death has to be better than this.

If I go right, I know I will never be missed.

So maybe this is better, maybe this is what’s right.

Give into darkness, and leave the shining to the light.

Maybe I am scared, but surely death must hold some peace.

After all this suffering, maybe it’s just what I need.

So I’ll go, so I’ll hurry up and leave.

I won’t leave a note, I won’t have anyone pretending to bother with me.

I was enough trouble, when I was alive.

I’ll get this over with, hurry up and die.

I’ve got the power, and the control at last.

I can move forward, and let go of my past.

I never knew love, but it’s not worth the risk.

My only regret is, I had to end it like this.

I cut I’m beautiful, into my veins and into my skin.

I breath in the life, and let the final truth in.

If I leave now, I will never begin.

If I leave now, I never get the chance to win.

If I leave now, my life will be a lie.

If I leave now, can I say I really tried?

If I leave now, what love will I ever bring?

If I leave now, Will I miss everything?

I always listened, I never questioned myself.

Who am I, Besides what I hear from everyone else?

They don’t know, not a single thought inside.

They don’t know, and they damn well never tried.

I never got a reason, and I never got a chance.

How can I hate myself, for what I never had?

Is this really all there is to life?

What about kids?

What about some lucky guys wife?

What makes their lives worth more than me?

We are victims of circumstance.

But I’d rather die, fighting to be free.

I just wanted to be a hero, and who says I can’t?

I rather die bathed in valor, than in these poisonous chants.

The least I could do, is give it a try.

Starting searching for myself, because I really don’t want to die.

I really don’t want to die.

Live fast, die young, in a blink of an eye.

The least, I could do is give it a try.


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