I don’t think there is ever an excuse for stupidity or ignorance. I have met kids with Aspergers, Autism, Down syndrome, and these kids let me tell you. They are fuckin brilliant in a way everyday people aren’t. They have a freedom and rawness that is super natural. They never try to be anything but themselves. And they put a hundred percent into themselves. They are so talent and smart. They are their own talented and smart. They don’t limit themselves for other people. I think that is the most beautiful thing in the whole world. I think don’t I can ever substantially believe an excuse from another normal person saying they are not smart for whatever reason. Because these kids, they prove that we all have a hidden marvelous world inside of us. And a depth that is an endless adventure; that can only be uncovered if we have the curiosity and courage to go along for the journey.

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Presence


I don’t like being uncomfortable with myself. Self abhorrence is not a feeling you should ever be comfortable with. This has taken me about eight years of my life to learn. So much time wasted on one lesson I had to learn from books and my own misery. It was a very profound lesson though. Most likely one I will never forget. I don’t think I have ever been more at peace with myself. More at home. I always felt lost in every moment. At times I still do but in a very different way now. Now I have solace in myself instead of my misery that has been with me for so long. In myself I have found my only real home. I try my best to make myself comfortable with every moment. Because these are my moments. This is my presence in the present. And the present is all I have. The present me.

Blood and Gold


The blood runs out of my skin

you tell me like air

I am beautiful

red and golden brown

the poetry of my carcass

I never heard a compliment

so hastily disposed of

what was so full of beauty?

my honest displacement

my uneasiness

or my  deceiving fragility?

was I so tempting?

almost so easy to break?

only these bones are made of gold

hard to destroy

but so easy to melt and mold

you shouldn’t discard something so old

something ancient and wiser

so contemptuous

youth conquers and reigns the present

looks are deceiving, young man

This gold comes from this earth

and I come undone

I have always been

so unmade

what do I know?

lost and fearless

courageous and foolish

I do not have your hold-ups

And this flesh and life

oh, how dreamy

I am not real

Death is an opening

So enchanted by the red

my weakness compels you

that is your weakness

That dispels me

I was never yours

I was never mine

I never was

just as time is an illusion

made by the madness of men

I am the conclusion

made by the brilliance of women

And your time has come

come and get some

blood and gold

blood and gold

enchanted and untold

fingers can’t hold

magics unfold

greedy and dumb

for blood and gold

This mirage is just a remnant

so hungry for your disillusions

so in love with your thoughts

you are completed by the ruins

You get what you deserve

karma is your cut gushing nerve

lost in the mold

blood and gold


At times I envision people killing me, in the most convenient of ways. At times I think on killing people in the most fair of ways. My methods of killing you, reveal your actions towards me. Your actions of killing me reveal the same. Sometimes these killings are not just visions, other times they are very much real. And as I sit in my boat and stroke these oars along with the tide as I reflect on life. On how useless it is to think on these things. How much more wonderful it is to stare off at the water and just become undone. There is truth in water. A very basic sort of primitive kind of truth that guides us home.