You don’t know. You have never felt the creeping of your skin. The ickiness of being inside it. The fear and shame of it. The shiver of the crawling upon you when you say NO. And they hear yes. The pricking on your flesh of sheer disgust. The rape of dignity. The absolute loss of respect. But most of all the seeing and experiencing yourself disappear right before your very eyes. Who you are. What you choose. What you thought you meant and stood for. Your respect. It means nothing to these people. What is worse is, you can’t just fly up out of your body, you have to experience it. This is what you are to them. How they see you. Exactly how you feel is what you are to them. They don’t care, because you are just a women. Just a women, and how dare you feel anything but what they want you to do and feel. This is reality. I have felt this reality. This brain washing. It came upon me at quite the young age. For quite a long time I was use to it. Til I found myself and my worth. And I knew, when I looked in the mirror and really saw myself. That something was stolen from me. Something that should have been mine. Something I seen in others that I thought was forbidden. I had been robbed and no one ever noticed or even defended me. These men walked around strutting in my stolen respect and honor. Just like it belonged to them. And this is my injustice. An injustice I made just on my own. When I decided not to be a victim. But to be a women. To be a standard. To be a Goddess. To be my birth right. And what they stole wasn’t really stolen. I found everything they did not see or believe in myself. And pity them. That they must lower others to build themselves. But they will they are still low because they didn’t take anything from me. I win. And I am beautiful. Most of all though, I am a women.
Kaitti, whose skin is the light of the moon and hair the shadows of the sea. Oh, but her heart. Her heart is the earth and it’s precious tears as it falls amongst the evergreen. Ancient and refreshing. My lolita you sing my soul with silent resonance. Quake my heart with a fierceness untame. A secret garden unkempt. A mysterious nature unbeknownst. I am stricken and enraptured with bewilderment. A twin of my heart. Oh, doppelganger of my mind. How you hide in the open. Honest and terribly wonderful. Unapologetic and wide eyed. How you tremble in your pretty skin as if it is an alien suit. And shake your thoughts like they betray you. So curious you are. You cling to imagination so firmly some would call it a fey-like tragedy. Youth becomes you. Like flowers to Spring. I am your remnant. Dead leaves in Autumn. Oh, but some say our colors resonate. I will always see you as the stars. Honor you like the air. How perfect. How mystifying. How just. How magnificent. Now I wander onto your eyes like they are a looking glass or a painted message against a canvas. What do these colors say? Blended and mastered in a astounding array. Each movement and motion is made like a willowing ballerina at the crux of a temperamental sensitive sonata. Each whisper a quiet cry of an opera’s kiss. Shattering. Capturing, Beholding. Fly to the web. Spider to the fly. Such normal chaos. Such an enchanting pandemonium. This labyrinth is rapture. Her laugh is delight and beatitude. Her sireny lagoon is paradise. This is the torture worthy of gods. Fruit like ambrosia in appetite less crowds. I am lost. This must be Icarus and the sun. Wings but not enough for fun.
“If you hurt my feelings, don’t expect me to have any sort of feelings what so ever around you. When I see you I will immediately emotionally shut down. I just can’t trust you with who I am.”
I’d like to believe God is in me somewhere, but the truth is…I don’t know a thing.
I am a big fan of life. I believe in what we can do here.
“She believed in life, All tragedies do. That’s what makes them Tragedies. Beautiful Tragedies at that.”-Valexia Zianna.
To be honest. No one cares if you are suffering or down and out. People have their own struggles they’re worried about. So worry about and take of yourself. It’s called being independent. That is not to say it doesn’t bother me. I wish people were bit more selfless. But you can’t change people who don’t want to change. Be the change you want to implement in the world. Even though people don’t give a shit about my feelings I still make time for there. Because these are my morals. Don’t change yourself simply because people aren’t altruistic. That is even more of an reason to shine your light. “Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”
Suffering can humble you. It can make you realize how small you really are. The fact that a tiny being like a virus or bacteria can over power your body and overwhelm you with pain is in my eyes, proof of that. I am no better or worse than this little creature reaping havoc inside of me. It makes a thing like pride pointless. And everything else we feel so minuscule. Times like this I feel the honesty of myself and the universe swallow me. It is humbling to suffer. In suffering we lose our ego. – Valexia Zianna.
Because I ship true love no matter the circumstances. I just really believe in love. It is the purest thing, even if it is not in the most purest of circumstances. We are all victims of circumstance. And we don’t choose who are related to, but we can choose who we love. -Valexia Zianna
I was born under the stars of justice and these scales compel me. -Valexia Zianna